#he justifies it real fast is all i'm saying

[zmediaoutlet]

The Omaha Journal Star runs an obituary for Marshall Hall on their website. Short, unrevealing. The bigger death that day was of a grandmother, ninety-nine when she passed, beloved by twenty grandchildren, fixture at church, pillar of the community, and so on. In the print version of the paper Marshall Hall merited maybe two inches of grey space. Maybe just an inch.

"What are you doing?" Dean's tired and it doesn't come across mocking or nagging or pointed or—anything. He's folded onto the further bed, TV light playing across his face. "Got a job lined up?"

Some daylight scene on the show Sam hasn't been paying attention to and Dean's washed out paper-white. Too much like the hospital bed. Sam says, "Looking," which is vague enough that he could arguably not be lying, but Dean doesn't seem to care either way. He nods, eyes fixed on the television but who knows if he's taking it in, either.

Pale skin, pale lips. Sam's gut twists to look at him but they got the all-clear from the doctor—his heart, mechanically, is one hundred percent fine. If Sam asked Dean would say he was fine, too, and Sam would want to smack him except that Dean looks like he'd crack in half with any additional pressure. Although lately—Sam doesn't know. When they were kids he would've said he could predict every single dumb thing Dean would say and he'd make bets with himself sometimes on what'd come out next. His odds were better than even. After the years apart it's—different. Sometimes Dean gives him this look and Sam doesn't recognize him; sometimes Dean opens his mouth and what comes out is—not something Sam would've ever thought could be said, in their family. On this particular night he might ask, and Dean might say—anything.

The show goes to commercial. A Chevy dealer in the county over has offers you can't believe with zero cash down. Wells Fargo wants to extend you a line of credit with low APR. Dean rolls off the bed and goes into the bathroom and closes the door, quiet, and Sam looks at the cheap maple veneer and then goes back to the obituary.

Marshall Hall, 1979–2006. Beloved son, believer in justice and truth. Pursuing a JD; active in his community. No mention of a wife, or kids, or siblings. A 'celebration of life' to be held on the following Saturday. In lieu of flowers, his mother requests that donations be sent to the legal aid organization where Marshall volunteered his time. That's all that's fit to print, about Marshall Hall.

Sam's been to more funerals than most. He can imagine Marshall Hall's. Shocked relatives, gathering around the gray-faced mother. More-shocked friends and colleagues around his own age, most of them faced probably for the first time with that appalling and unavoidable truth—that it could come at any time. That any of them could be standing in their kitchens or riding their bike in the sun or just at work, doing their job, and death when it came was unspectacular and uncompromising and then—that was it. There had been a Marshall Hall and now there wasn't, and the people milling through whatever empty quiet house would be murmuring how it just seemed impossible, and how they'd just talked to him last week, and how could it be true? But it was, and it was impossible to go back to the world last week, when he'd been loud and bright and fierce and there, and each of them would have to face that in their own time, and worse, would have to look at the people standing in front of them and think—what if—?

When Dean comes out of the bathroom Sam's abandoned the laptop. "Thought you were going to fuse with that thing," Dean says.

"There'll be jobs to look for tomorrow," Sam says, and holds out a can of beer.

Dean squints at him. Comes over slow, and sits on the other bed, and when he takes the can he doesn't open it but just holds it between his two hands, looking at the top. White light on the side of his face pooling strange across his skin, his other eye so dark that it looks hollow, and Sam reaches for the remote and snaps the TV off so it's just—his brother, sitting there, in inadequate lamplight but at least not being dragged off to nightmares Sam can't currently stand.

"I was watching that," Dean says, and Sam says, "No, you weren't," and Dean looks up at him and opens his mouth and then closes it, and sighs.

"Dean," Sam says, and then hangs there, not sure how to say it—true. "I wish—man, I don't know. I wish it'd been different."

Dean's thumb runs around the aluminum rim of the can. When he looks up he looks into Sam's eyes, and then at his mouth, and then he sits back and his shoulders are a low curve and he shakes his head, eyes cutting off to some misery. Whether it's Layla or Marshall or Roy or some combination of all three—or something worse—Sam doesn't know, and the not-knowing's got this pit growing in his stomach. He puts his own beer down on the nightstand and reaches out and gets his hand on Dean's skin—grips the inside of his wrist, his thumb on the knob of bone. If he pressed hard enough he could feel Dean's heart beating but the warmth of skin is enough, for now.

"Hey," Sam says, raw.

Dean huffs. "Hey yourself," he says, and Sam doesn't know if it's wanted but he leans across the space between the beds and kisses Dean anyway—close-lipped, firm, his other hand under Dean's jaw so he can't duck away. Dean lets him. Return pressure, after a second, so Sam doesn't feel like he's kissing a lifeless thing. Sam breaks away with relief dumping down his spine and presses his temple to Dean's temple, and Dean turns in so his nose brushes Sam's cheek and lets him breathe the same air and then pushes him away, gentle. He meets Sam's eye and it's okay—well, it's not okay, but they are at least—and then he opens his beer, and heels back to sit up against the headboard of his own bed, and that's going to be it, probably, about this day, and this week, and Sam'll have to be content with that, or risk the terror of asking.

He sits back on his own bed and turns the TV back on. A cop show. It'll pass the time until they sleep. He wishes it had been different. Given how it was, he wouldn't have made a different choice. He opens his own beer, and sits in quiet with his brother.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

hey how much is sapnap and matpat in the new tommyinnit video, i want to watch but i don't really want to see them

Matpat isn't in it. Sapnap is but it's just Tommy seeing him coming out of a store, asking if he's fucked up mentally, sapnap says no and Tommy is like "nice seeing you" very dryly and sarcasticly, and leaves. A lot of people say Tommy was being a bitch to him on purpose but he has autism and I ALSO have autism so....idfk

[astonmartinii]

i don't wanna be funny anymore | daniel ricciardo social media au

pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem podcaster!reader

i don't wanna be funny anymore, i got a too short skirt, maybe i can be the cute one. is there room in the band? i don't need to be the front man, if not then i'll be the biggest fan

based on i don't wanna be funny anymore by lucy dacus (this song speaks to me, i love lucy (she's also AMAZING live))

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 and 341,203 others

yourusername: hey girl hey, new ep coming at you fast this friday all about rotting. as the twilight weather rolls in and it becomes the season of all too well, we'll talk about rotting, how we can do it right and how not to lose your mind this october (a cautionary tale, i've already lost mine)

view all comments

user1: my queen hands down five stars already

user2: the bag is so real and the way i know it's a tote that does NOT stay on your shoulder

yourusername: it's the enchante tote, shameless plug for my man

danielricciardo: you singlehandedly sell out my totes every time baby

user3: not this actual fan erasure 🤨

user4: babe be real, she has a massive platform and there was a direct correlation between the first time she plugged a tote and the fact that they sold out that day you guys just love being mean

user5: i'm mean cause i don't want some leech taking credit for dan's hardwork and his fans?

user6: he fucking said it? you guys grasp at straws every time so try and justify your agenda against her

maxverstappen1: idk what rotting is but i'll still listen to every second

yourusername: thanks maxy, though i'd say going on the sim for up to 14 hours of the day is bordering on rotting

maxverstappen1: productive rotting !

yourusername: yes, i guess your sweet little treats are trophies?

maxverstappen1: that would make sense (don't tell my trainer but i do enjoy the little fruity drinks from starbucks)

user7: yall wanna say we're mean but she's literally invalidating max, saying he's rotting on the sim is so invalidating to everything he went through when he was younger

user8: how did we get there? this grasp on straws has to be studied... from a joke about the sim to invalidating abuse?

user9: i honestly thank the lord for dan and max because they're so supportive no matter the shitstorm that yall throw at y/n everyday

user10: literally max is even listening to podcasts... real friends, i hope one day she feels confident enough to come to races

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen, georgerussell63 and 1,034,239 others

tagged: yourusername, enchante

danielricciardo: buckle up, enchante is going to the rodeo 🐎

view all comments

user13: i shall be breaking the bank

user14: dan so smart, he looks like a good boyf for including y/n but didn't include her face

user15: yall ever listen to yourself talk, you need to be put in time out for real

yourusername: we all know the phrase, save a horse, ride a...

danielricciardo: daniel?

yourusername: YUP

user16: ugh there are children who are fans of daniel, she's so gross

user17: do you ever get tired of doing all of that mental gymnastics?

yourusername: can't wait for the tote drop for this collection, yall WON'T be disappointed

user18: yes, i will always trust mother's tote recommendations

user19: anyone who carries that much shit knows what makes a good tote

yourusername: this one has survived two dostoevsky book, an unreasonably large water bottle, a laptop and microphone

user19: thank you ma'am

maxverstappen1: real love is dressing as a cowgirl for your needy boyfriend

yourusername: the things we do for love (i actually had so much fun)

user20: here y/n goes doing all the publicity, but never going to races, clearest gold digger attention whore wag of all time

user21: surely a real attention whore would go to every race to get the screen time and papped and all that jazz?

excerpt of y/n y/ln's podcast where she addresses her absences in the paddock.

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 and 412,349 others

yourusername: life recently lol, the enchante tote is taking a beating

view all comments

user24: she's such a crybaby making dan use up an entire portion of his interview to coddle her

user25: she doesn't come to races cause of people like you invading her privacy and being rude and here you are ... proving her point

danielricciardo: pretty lady i can't wait to be back in your arms

yourusername: waiting outside the airport now

danielricciardo: we haven't even taken off yet babe

yourusername: i know i just miss you and can't wait to see your handsome face

user26: dan must be saying this shit at gun point cause there's no way he actually thinks she's pretty

user27: are you clinically blind? cause we must not be seeing the same girl

maxverstappen1: the aperol rawdogging the bag, you are SO brave

yourusername: living life on the edge, is this that thrill all you drivers talk about?

maxverstappen1: i may drive at over 200 kmh but i'd never risk my tote like that

yourusername: is it worse that i have a jar of olives in there as well, one drop and it's so over for me

maxverstappen1: OLIVES? remind me NOT to hug you when you pick us up

danielricciardo: if you want that hug you gonna have to get in line boy

user28: she picks them up from the airport? that's so cute

user29: someone tell her the gross girl aesthetic isn't cute

user30: babe don't worry no matter the aesthetic you have daniel will never want you x

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, christianhorner and 982,344 others

tagged: yourusername, danielricciardo

maxverstappen1: finally went on my bff's (no 1 in the world) podcast after i finally convinced her yall ain't shit - oh and dan was there for emotional support x

view all comments

user31: SO ICONIC

user32: ep on repeat forever, they're so funny

yourusername: for a man who hates podcasts, you were a star i think the memes hit you hard

maxverstappen1: i enjoy the PROFESSIONALS could you imagine doing a podcast with lando

landonorris: why am i catching strays

danielricciardo: i wouldn't say that too loud, i got about 20 texts as soon as you posted this demanding i ask y/n to be on the show

yourusername: oooooooooo the girls are fighting

landonorris: so can i come on?

yourusername: i'm sure we can schedule something

maxverstappen1: don't say i didn't warn you y/n

user33: ugh now she's going to whore around the rest of the grid

user34: for real wasn't dan enough? she's not even pretty enough to whore herself out

user35: you people have no reading comprehension cause you see how dan says yall are insane and yall keep proving him right

danielricciardo: i'm so proud of you pretty girl

yourusername: i love you cowboy

danielricciardo: forever obsessed with you

user36: i'm living for y/n basically telling all these insecure weirdos to fuck off

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, christianhorner and 603,451 others

tagged: danielricciardo

yourusername: who was gonna tell me these cars are loud as shit irl

view all comments

user39: someone tell sky to stop zooming in on her i don't pay to her her ugly ass

user40: cry your heart out bro everyone else is happy

danielricciardo: oops i think you're my lucky charm you now have to come to every race ever sorry not sorry

yourusername: gosh i think that might be true - i'll be there! (but for real you are so so talented and don't need a lucky charm)

danielricciardo: i'm just so happy to share this with you, i love you so much, i'm sorry people have been so cruel

yourusername: people are passionate about you and rightly so, but i appreciate you protecting me baby

user41: imagine being this irrelevant and demanding protection in the paddock ... the audacity

user42: you finally came to the paddock and this is what you wore?

user43: she's wearing danny merch? if she didn't yall would have a problem with that as well so please just be quiet

maxverstappen1: i need you to come every weekend cause you're the only one drunk danny will listen to

yourusername: we had practice with all the wine tasting we did for his wine line

danielricciardo: i am NOT that bad

maxverstappen1: tbf it's usually him just crying about how much he loves you

yourusername: AWWWWWW (i also cry about how much i love you)

user44: gosh this is my favourite f1 couple

user45: hopefully now she has her dose of fame she'll fuck off

user46: HAVE A DAY OFF

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,451,677 others

tagged: yourusername

danielricciardo: as we're nearing our two year anniversary i wanted to say a couple things. one. i love you so much. when you came into my life i was in a bad place and you truly taught me to love myself again and how to love my sport again. you're the most amazing woman ever, the kindest soul and the most beautiful girl ever. two. i am so thankful for the support i have, i do not allow the disrespect some have given y/n. you guys have no real perception of relationships between athletes and fans. you do not have the right to comment on y/n in the way you are. you take extremely low blow and have the gall to confront her in public as well. do not call yourself a fan of mine when you treat the people i love like this. my team will now begin to monitor comment sections and will seek to block and report accounts doing this. thank you and i love you y/n.

comments on this post are turned off.

note: hope yall enjoyed!! i love danny and i saw the danny ric honky tonk this morning and had to write about him. i'd also had this idea for a while but didn't know who to write for lol. please listen to the song i love lucy so much and the song is so relatable xx

also anyone who has requested - i am working on them (but as per some questions in my asks, as for right now i do not write for footballers, if i become less disillusioned with the sport (thanks chelsea) this may change)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pursuing a guy my friend is into?

I (31M) am in a band with M (23ftm) and a few other people who aren't relevant here. I play the keys, he's the vocalist. I love M, he's a real good friend and I enjoy what we do. For context, I'm gay and he's bisexual.

There's another guy involved, J (25M). He's M's best friend. It's no secret to anyone but J that M is completely in love with him. J is gay (all of our friends are queer in some way, honestly) so there's no conflict of sexuality.

Unfortunately, I'm also really into J. He's really pretty, and he's always so nice to me. M's definitely closer to him though. They're always hanging out together. M's known him longer and loved him longer overall. M knows I like him, too, and it has been a point of minor contention in the past.

Recently, I thought that if I was gonna shoot my shot, it had to be sooner rather than later. I pulled him aside and asked him the other day at practice (he isn't in the band but shows up to hang out) if he'd be interested in going out on a date sometime. He looked pretty uncomfortable and told me he wasn't interested, which was pretty fucking upsetting. I asked if it was anything I'd done. He said no, he just didn't want to date anyone right now. I understood. He then said his goodbyes and left kinda awkwardly.

Later I got a very angry text from M. He was really upset with me for asking J out. Apparently, they'd been dating for almost 2 months and had told everyone but me because they were worried about what I'd say. And, I think justifiably, I'm a little pissed off. Mostly because J told me he wasn't looking into dating right now instead of just fucking telling me he was seeing someone. I called them both jerks and haven't heard from them since. I wouldn't have asked J out if I'd known they had already gotten together, even if I think M would be terrible for him. They're gonna crash and burn so goddamn fast, they don't mesh well at all.

TLDR I asked a friend out and his boyfriend got mad at me when I didn't even know they were together. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[dg-outlaw]

Batman #148 Thoughts... or Why Jason Todd is Awesome and Batman Doesn't Deserve Him.

So... I know a lot of the discussion about this issue has been about what happens to Jason, and IYKYK. What I want to discuss are parts of the rest of the issue and why I think Jason is one of the best characters (and more than how many perceive him). *spoilers ahead*

I know many outsiders and even those in fandom look at Jason Todd or the Red Hood and think of him as the hot, angsty edge lord who isn't afraid to break Batman's one rule. He's cool and badass so you want to be like him or he's the romantic fantasy bad boy with a soft side. These things are fine, but this is often where people stop with Jason or if they dislike him the above descriptions are why.

Some people want him to be an antagonist again because villains are cool and this is where we get things like 'The Boys' because it's edgy, subversive, or some intelligent deconstruction of superheroes. Colorful and honorable superheroes like Superman or Spider-Man are boring, just a fantasy, or for kids who don't understand the real world. Again, fine if that's your take, but I don't believe that one "graduates" from one to the other.

Beyond the Fast and Furious style cool factor of fast cars, guns, and explosions that often get associated with Jason, there's more to him than that and it's why he's still one of my favorites. Hell, this is the same character that writers thought would be a priest in the Flashpoint universe, a universe that had gone to hell in a handbasket but in all that chaos and darkness he became a PRIEST.

(The World of Flashpoint: Issue #2)

Say what you will about organized religion, Christianity, or the Catholic church (because there are definitely issues there), but I think two of Jason's core traits that I admire are his faith and hope. Traits that often get Jason hurt by the people closest to him, but that often see him through the darkest times.

The cheapness of using Jason's "death" aside, these traits are seen again in Batman #148. Not only is Jason willing to put his faith in Bruce again (after everything "not" Bruce did to him in Gotham War), but he's the first down into the cave.

This isn't blind faith, but a willingness to try. A hope that maybe this time he won't be hurt, even if time and time again history has proven otherwise. Note: This can be a slippery and dangerous slope and not one without consequences as many people fall into the trap of going back into or staying in toxic relationships that only bring them pain. (And I never said his greatest strengths can't also be his greatest weaknesses).

We also see some emotional maturity and growth in this issue and I love that for Jason. Has he been going to therapy? Maybe, but my money is that he's probably been reading lots of self-help books or something.

Does Bruce deserve this level of forgiveness and compassion from Jason? No, but Jason gives it to him anyway. I also feel like this is a soft challenge from Jason. "I'm not here to save you from yourself or to ask you to save me. We do this together or not at all."

And if you're thinking, "Oh no, Jason has gone soft. Not my Jason Todd!" He's still a cheeky bastard in battle, even when he's on the ropes.

Now, for Jason's "death", one could say that it was a cheap ploy by the writer or DC to get people talking or to have a random "Jason dies" scene (though he's revived in the same issue so I feel the emotional stakes/hype are less compared to leaving it open-ended until the next issue).

One could also look at it in a cynical light given it's Jason that Bruce brings down into the cave during the flashback reveal with the secret Lazarus Kool-Aid. Did Bruce plan that knowing Jason would volunteer in some sort of reverse psychology manipulation? Was it just a random plot explanation to justify having the "Jason dies" scene? Who knows? Though I think Dick or Tim would've volunteered as well. But my focus is on the conversation.

This is another example of Jason's hope and faith, and his faith in Bruce. Bruce's plan isn't tested, though one could assume that he's done the math so to speak, but it's still Jason literally putting his life in Bruce's hands. It's also fairly clever because if Failsafe is some echo of Batman, then something in his programming probably knows about the emotional pain of Jason's initial death. So not only is "killing" going to make him glitch out, but killing Jason is probably the ultimate Failsafe glitch.

Deep down I think Jason knows how much he means to Bruce, even if Bruce is terrible at showing it sometimes. He's willing to take the risk and die, not for Bruce, but for the greater good of saving the day.

Let's also not forget that in the span of a short amount of (in-universe) time, Jason has saved the entire East Coast (end of Gotham War), Gotham City (end of The Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing), and is now ready to die again to stop Failsafe--all while his brain is still probably a little messed up from Gotham War.

Let this young man take a damn vacation!

Was this issue perfect? No. And I agree with others about it not being cool that Steph, Cass, and Duke got sidelined as the clean-up crew, but I do think it showed a lot of Jason's deeper character (flawed or not) and how he's more than just the edgy, sarcastic bad boy. That part of him is just the hard candy shell he's had to create to protect the gooey center that is his hope, faith, and love. After all, Damian has previously (and rightly) called him out as the "emotional one".

P.S. I know my previous post picked on Jason's Red Hood outfit at the end and I still stand by the fact that it wasn't my favorite, but seeing that it's Jorge Jimenez's art, I can forgive it. I love most of Jorge's art and would kill (not literally) to be as talented as him, but that outfit design is still a no for me. Sorry, Jorge. :(

[sbocconichilista]

"I am a warrior, but maybe this is not my fight."

[WWDITS S6EP5 SPOILERS!!!]

Just finished episode 5, and you can bet your ass I have some shit to say. As it is something I've already discussed and like analyzing, I'll go on about the Nandermo situation for now, but I'd like to talk about other topics too, maybe in another post.

This episode was a rollercoaster, and I think all my worries are now at peace (at least the one regarding Nandor's growth). I imagined that Nandor was just about to throw another ginormous tantrum about the stupidest of the things, but I was positively surprised when I saw his attitude towards the situation: he honestly had valid reasons to be angry, reasons I didn't even think about at first, but they came to me as a slap in the face as Nandor spoke, as I can imagine they did to Guillermo. Obviously, the solution wasn't war, but I can see why he would react like this. He was a warrior, after all.

"You live a thousand years, and you think you know what betrail is, what horror is, but then, in a single instant, you find out you haven't the slightest idea of what men is truly capable of."

This is what he says. And although it seems so extravagant and exaggerated, his pain is real. He was so sure about Guillermo's loyalty, not because he expected it as a Master, but as a friend, as a companion, given that he has always been loyal to him: "I may have done a lot of things, Guillermo, but I never got rid of you". He's right when he says so, and honestly I, as probably Guillermo, never really realized how much has probably costed Nandor to protect Guillermo from the vampire world, how much he risked to keep him safe. He really has done a lot for him, and he also finally addresses his mistakes.

Nandor felt betrayed and this time I can do nothing but agree with him. Guillermo tries to justify it all saying that it's the "human world way", but Nandor was human too, and the type of loyalty he shared with his comrades he expected from Guillermo: this makes me understand how he really perceives him in his life. He feels bonded to him, and reserved fidelity to him; not always respect or recognition, but fidelity yes.

Still, I agree with Guillermo about some points. At first he sees the whole thing as another big absurdity came out from Nandor's neediness and I can't blame him for having been prejudiced (i was myself), but then he understands how hurt Nandor felt.

Although, as he said in the previous episode, maybe this thing between the two of them isn't meant to be: he now has a new purpose, and he invites Nandor to start healing and find a new one too.

"I am a warrior, but maybe this is not my fight" it's with this statement that Nandor finally aknowledges that he needs to let it go too. The relationship between them started with all the worst moves, and it can't go any further without continuing to inflict wounds to both of them.

When Nandor tells Guillermo to go away using Alexa, these lyrics are used: "get out, right now, it's the end of you and me", and I'm starting to think it could really be like it says. Maybe Nandermo will never happen, and maybe it's for the best. Still I keep my hope close, and I wish that all of this was just a big demolition to build a new foundation for a stronger and healthier relationship, but I won't bet too much on it.

This episode was a huge statement fr. I feel like I've left out so many details, but I guess if something comes up to my mind, I'll just post about it later. Also, I wrote all of this as fast as I could, so please forgive me if you've encountered some errors.

"When one is burned, one feels most at home among the ashes" said Nandor, and I think I'll do the same and go cry about this while re-watching the whole series 😔.

[whumpback-wail]

05 - Divulgence

Trial by Fire (Wriothesley x Reader) - TW/CW in masterlist

[<<< previous chapter] • [masterlist] • [next chapter >>>]

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Reminder that this fanfic contains dark and mature themes. The TW/CW are in the masterlist and are constantly updated as I add each chapter. Please reread the warnings, proceed only after you reread the warnings. If you don't like/can't handle the topics mentioned in the TW/CW, please DO NOT read. This work is 100000% fictional and any similarities to real life people and events are purely coincidental, and none of the characters (especially the villains) are real. Again, please DO NOT read if you are not certain you can handle these topics or are in a bad place mentally. Minors are strictly forbidden. I only create content, and I am not responsible for your personal content preference and moderation.

They say being pregnant means everyday is another day closer to meeting the love of your life. One anticipates meeting the fruit of their love with their spouse, looking forward to the bright sunshine days of taking care of that precious someone.

(y/n) did not understand that feeling. In fact she felt the exact opposite, as she slid down the walls of the bathroom, legs too weak to support her own weight. The pregnancy stick in her hand fell to the floor, bouncing to a stop face up, showing the positive sign. Why does this happen to her? What did she ever do to deserve this?

She has to call nurse Komaki, she will know what to do. The thing was still a cell after all, with no soul not consciousness, it should be perfectly fine. It would be so much more cruel to keep the innocent being and let it be born, only for them to later be neglected and unloved. No child deserves that. Not even one born from being forced into her womb by the person she despised the most.

It was nearing lunch, and she knew her fiancé would be back by then, he always makes time to have lunch with her. She has to tell nurse Komaki fast.

(y/n) took several deep breaths to calm herself, and then slowly got up to her bed again, pressing the call button.

A few moments later, she heard the door open.

"Nurse Komaki, I-" (y/n) turned her head, and came face to face with a different nurse altogether. It was not Komaki.

"I'm sorry, nurse Komaki is away right now, her shift will start later tonight. Is there anything I can help you with, miss (y/n)?"

(y/n) blinked back her tears, "n-no. It's okay, nothing too serious."

The nurse stood there, contemplating. "Are you sure miss?"

(y/n) nodded, racking her brain to think of an excuse or anything to justify calling a nurse to her room for nothing. "oh umm… may I have some water please?"

"Sure. It will be delivered here in a moment. Don't hesitate to call me if there's anything else that you need, okay?"

(y/n) hummed and thanked her. She watched as the nurse exit her room. She wanted Komaki, she's the only nurse (y/n) trusted at this moment, especially with something like this.

It wasn't long until the water is delivered to her room, which arrived at about the same time as Wriothesley.

He greeted her with a smile. It normally made her feel safe and loved, but right now, (y/n)'s heart sank to her stomach

"Hey, how's my sunshine doing?"

He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. Wriothesley knew he should be careful around her, as her therapist had suggested to him, at least until she is less jumpy and can initiate affectionate gestures more. So far she's taking his affections very well, which made him happy about her progress.

"As usual," (y/n) forced a smile, briefly looking into his eyes before quickly averting her gaze back to her hands. She picked at a loose string on her blanket. 

Speak more, he will notice something is off.

"The healers were a great help to my physical injuries. But they kept stopping after a little while, saying I should rest up because the sped up healing is also draining my energy."

Wriothesley nodded, "I was told, yeah. How's your stomach? Got anything you're craving to eat?"

(y/n) froze. "What?" She managed to not stammer, but her voice cracked as her heart was suddenly frozen with fear. Did he find out? How did he know-

"Just wondering how your stomach felt." Wriothesley tilted his head, confused. It was a small quirk she had found endearing.

"The doctors did say you can only eat soft food for a while to avoid refeeding syndrome, but yesterday you were finally allowed to start eating bread and some fowl. Also because you threw up yesterday."

"Oh…" (y/n) felt stupid, "it's alright now, although I don't really feel like eating."

Wriothesley watched her for a moment. He has always been someone perceptive, that's how he knew who to trust and who to avoid in meropide while still serving his sentence, and that's how he could rise through the ranks and become the duke, despite his humble beginnings. At that moment, something is off about his fiancée.

“Darling are you okay?” he took her hand in his, his other hand brushing loose strands of her hair behind her ear, “I feel like you have something weighing your mind. You know you can tell me anything, right?”

For a moment, (y/n) wavered. Is it really okay to tell him about her pregnancy? She knew Wriothesley wouldn’t blame her, after all, what happened was not something she wanted, far from it. So technically it’s not her fault right? But a small nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her to just keep it to herself for now. There were too many what ifs. It’s safer to just keep quiet about it and deal with it under wraps. She’ll tell him, of course she will, but not now.

“I’m fine,” she forced herself to look into his eyes, a small smile on her lips. “Just wondering how much longer I have to stay cooped up in here.”

Lunch went well with Wriothesley, he told her about his day. He went back to the Fortress of Meropide for a while, to keep an eye on how things are going there, before coming over to her for lunch. After this he planned to proceed with investigations, and perhaps wrap things up early so he could spend more time with her after dinner.

(y/n) managed to eat a little more, despite the anxiety induced nausea, at least enough to not make her look suspicious.

Once lunch was over, Wriothesley gave her another peck on the forehead and left to continue with investigations, with promises of taking (y/n) to the gardens near the hospital once the doctors gave her the clear, and perhaps visit Navia and Neuvilette, as the two are also her friend, as much as they are to him. He wanted more than anything to stay with her the whole time she recovered, but seeing how she often flinched if he moved a little too quickly, or how her eyes often went blank as if she was not really there, he knew he had to do something about it. The therapist assigned to her told him that she may need some time to process through the trauma, and that it was natural that she would be jumpy for the time being, and would need some space too, as stifling her would also be bad for her mental wellbeing.

He already discussed all the options, and what’s best for (y/n). Once (y/n) has recovered some more physically, and once she is ready, he would take her home and nurse her back to health. He would appoint someone else as the Duke of Meropide if that was needed to get him more time off. Right now, he has something else to do.

He did not tell her that he would be going back to the facility, specifically the hidden passage they found inside her cell. Chlorinde had done a great job in capturing the man, living up to her title of champion duelist.

The entrance was so well hidden in the room, so much so that they had to get Aether to use his elemental sight to find. They had followed the hidden maze-like pathway in the room (y/n) was kept in, and it had led them to an underground base, perhaps their real base of operations. Several men were captured, including Dougier, they seem to work directly with Arderne who unfortunately was nowhere in sight. They were all taken into custody. Wriothesley tensed as he remembered their findings.

"Wriothesley you might want to see this." He turned his head towards Neuvilette who a moment ago was rummaging through papers on a desk. The Iudex now held out a file towards him, his face grim.

The Duke took the file and opened it. There were more papers, this time it contained more detailed reports of experiments done to the people. He ruffled through the pages, skimming the words for one specific name. He found it.

Experiment Clearance Form

Title: Vision Trial Variation 2

Principal Investigator: Il Dottore

Assistant: Arderne

Subject: 1102 a.k.a. (y/n)

Vision: Pyro

This form acknowledges the approval of the experiment titled "Vision Trial Variation 2" conducted by Arderne. The experiment aims to implement the theory of vision injections on humans, followed by observation to discover the effects.

The experiment poses high risks to participants. Potential risks include memory loss, increased body temperatures, seizures, and the possibility of death. Steps have been taken to mitigate these risks. Subject is physically weakened before the start to lower the chances of the body rejecting the injection, thus increasing the success rate of this experiment. On the occasion that this experiment would fail, the study will move on to Vision Trial Variation 3, and the current subject will be discarded.

Fuck.

“Did we find any traces of Arderne?” Wriothesley’s voice dropped several octaves, Neuvilette knew what this meant.

“There are none so far,” he placed a reassuring hand on Wriothesley, “But we do have Dougier now, and we are taking him and the others to custody. We can get more information out of them-”

Wriothesley shook him off and landed a harsh kick on a table to the side, immediately breaking it. He wanted to murder them all, especially that bastard Dottore. He had heard rumours of him doing crazy experiments, but to think it happened right here in Fontaine, with his fiancee? His breaths were shaky with barely controlled rage.

“Wriothesley, I understand how frustrating this is. (y/n) is also my dear friend.” Neuvilette spoke in the most soothing tone he could muster up. “Trust me, I am just as upset as you are in this, but we have to keep a level head. For (y/n)’s sake and all the victims that were forced into this.”

They were deep underground, had they been up on the surface, they would see heavy rain mixed with snow, and thunderstorms raging outside, the weather mirroring the Iudex’s inner turmoil on the entire situation.

• • •

(y/n) wondered if she was dead or dreaming the moment she saw herself on the familiar bed of her room in the facility. Dr Arderne was standing at the foot of her bed reading through the information on his clipboard, while Dougier was securing her arms and legs with restraints.

She had been too weak to resist, having been starved for days without food, the only nutrition she got was through her IV drip and glasses of suspiciously blue coloured water, which she had no choice but to drink.

"Good morning 1102, ready for the next dose? Arderne readied a syringe. It was filled with shimmery red liquid, the glow seemed to pulse the closer it gets to her.

"F-Fuck you Arderne." (y/n) managed to mumble, making Dougier snicker.

Arderne held (y/n)'s arm and injected the contents of the syringe into her. At first it felt like nothing, but gradually she could feel it start to burn, as if fire was coursing through her veins.

It wasn't long until the burning sensation started to feel unbearable. Hot white pain spreads from the point of injection to all over her body. She bit her tongue, trying not to scream, she will not give them the satisfaction of seeing her in pain. She won't-

(y/n) jolted awake, her breaths heavy and ragged and her heart was pounding in her chest. Fuck.

It was a dream. She was safe. It was just a dream.

The room she was in, despite being a hospital room, it was completely different from the facility, with flowers her friends and fiancé got for her, and the comforting weight of her big blubberbeast plushie that Wriothesley brought from their bed at home. She hugged the plush tightly and pressed her nose to its soft fur. It smelled just like Wriothesley, as he had sprayed his cologne all over it, something she often did even before… all this.

(y/n) tried to remember what her therapist had told her. 

My name is (y/n), I am at the Fontaine hospital, guarded by the Spina di Rosula, Wriothesley stays with me during the night, and stops by for lunch. I am safe, and I am recovering.

Her therapist told her that her dreams would eventually go away as her mind heals, but how long will that take?

Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was still early, too early for Wriothesley to come back from his investigation. He had left a book with her some days ago, which she picked up and started to read, trying to get her mind off things.

As she reached for the book on her night stand, suddenly (y/n) felt the familiar tingle in her hands, running all the way up her arms. It was warm and welcoming, it felt like home. A split second later, the book she was reaching for suddenly burst into flames.

• • •

Wriothesley watched Neuvilette from behind the one way glass as the latter asked Dougier more and more questions. The Iudex had presented all the evidence they found on the table. Laying it all out for Dougier as he asked question after question that Dougier only gave vague answers to, sometimes only responding with chuckles. The scum was a goner, his mind seemingly corrupted by the facility.

He wanted to be the one who personally interrogates the vile man, but Neuvilette had forbidden him from entering, for fear of what Wriothesley would do to the suspect. Still, watching from behind the glass was frustrating, he wished Neuvilette would let them do interrogations in Meropide, where it was outside Fontaine’s jurisdiction, so they could use other means to get information.

“This is going nowhere,” Wriothesley mumbled and pushed open the door leading into the interrogation room. Fuck the consequences, he’ll probably just get an earful from Neuvilette later.

At the sight of Wriothesley, Dougier’s eyes lit up in a nasty way that the Duke did not like at all. “Ah your Grace, here to play the bad cop now?”

“Seeing how you’re going nowhere with Neuvilette, I might as well do.”

Wriothesley grabbed the chair at the corner of the room and dragged it over to sit beside Neuvilette, who was glancing at Wriothesley cautiously.

“So do you feel like talking now Dougier? I thought you were a changed man after you were released.”

Dougier only scoffed, “then I had you fooled. You have no idea what kind of grudge I hold against you, Wriothesley. You ruined the community I built in Meropide.”

“Community? You call that community? You basically started a cult, and no one liked being in there.” Wriothesley scowled.

“Nevertheless,” Dougier continued, “I had my revenge. You should have heard how much (y/n) screamed when Arderne injected her vision into her.”

Wriothesley froze. He knew about what happened but hearing it from Dougier was different from reading it on the files they found.

Dougier, seeing the change in Wriothesley’s demeanour, continued. “She was a brave one, that bitch. Endured hours upon hours of our treatment, sometimes without anaesthesia. And that was after we put her in solitary confinement. We were wrong thinking we broke her spirit already, and yet she’s still fighting.”

"And you did this to all the people in the Vision Trials?" Neuvilette asked, the pen in his hand moving to take notes.

Dougier ignored him, his eyes still glued on Wriothesley's.

"How can we reverse the vision injections?" Wriothesley asked, trying to keep his breathing steady. He knew he couldn't try anything with Neuvilette around.

"You'll have to ask Arderne for that," Dougier leaned back on his chair, "but all I know is while (y/n) is still alive, she's a failure. She had her vision inside her yet it never seemed to work, not even when we prompted her."

"What do you mean prompted her?" Neuvilette asked, and this time, Dougier turned his eyes to him..

"Oh we threatened her, and when it didn't work, beat her, did whatever to make her call on her pyro element and use the vision in her. That never seemed to work."

Wriothesley and Neuvilette were tense, the former had his fists clenched so hard.

"That was when I took her to the basement, the cold weather should prompt the vision to at least keep her warm." Dougier turned to Wriothesley, a deranged look danced in his eyes as he smiled at him.

"I can see why you like 1102. She was so brave. She never once begged or called out for you even with all the beatings, that is, until I put my cock inside her-”

Suddenly Dougier was on the ground. Wriothesley had moved so fast Neuvilette barely registered him vaulting over the table and landing a fist on Dougier's face. He managed to hammer down his fists onto Dougier some more before he felt multiple hands pull him backwards off Dougier, who was unconscious in a bloodied mess.

"GET OFF ME." He yelled at the gardemeks who held him back, but Neuvilette soon stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Dougier who was being tended to by medics.

"Wriothesley," his voice was stern, "the punching can wait until after his sentence. If he is sentenced back to Meropide then it is under your jurisdiction."

Wriothesley was breathing heavily, "he… he also… Archons, (y/n)..."

"I already let you land several hits on him" Neuvilette placed a hand on his shoulder, "but we need him alive for more information on the case, and for his trials."

Wriothesley watched, seething with rage as Dougier was taken away by the medics for further treatment. He wanted the scum to suffer as much as, if not more than (y/n). How could anyone do this to her?

Neuvilette sighed and motioned for the gardemeks to release Wriothesley, "I think it's best if you go visit (y/n) for now. I think you two need to talk."

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(;;;*_*)--c<ノ°益°)ノ _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

A/N

…now I'm sad... why do I do this to myself :") wrote this while hugging my blåhaj because I needed that warm shorky embrace.

(Tuna says hi :D and hopes everyone is okay after reading this)

I apologize for the late update, some parts of the chapter had to be rewritten to make more sense, but in the end it became longer than I planned (and I had to cut it here and continue next chapter)

Thanks for sticking around this long, I hope the update hurt you all as much as it did for me to write :"))) please stay safe and take care, and hug your pets/plushies for me 💕

P.s. I’m not sure how to write a proper experiment clearance form TwT I hope that wasn’t too off.

Taglist: @almosteggs @quuela @tempest1art @yamanaka13-blog @arseneumbra @kimmeaahh @cottonfluffs @randomidk-123 @applejayee @keigo-hawks-takami-simp @mechanicalbeat1 @aribae14 @bforbiblio @supernerdycookietrashblrr @furblrwurblr @chifuyus-kitty @bunnibabe @the-real-fandom-person

[sourbinnie]

Hiii i have a request . Can you do as 9th straykids member when you left the group? and their reaction or maybe their massages? Just please as a friend not SHIP 💀 TYSM ❤️🫶🏻

title -> sooner or later genre -> angst my beloved | voicemails pair -> ot8!skz + 9th member!reader a/n: i wrote it as voicemails since it's my favorite style. i hope you still like it ¡!¡!¡ since i don't really do messages. ALSO this is not romantic like you wanted i put a + instead of an x, that's how i differiante it.

"(y/n). where do i even start? i'm not mad, let's say that. i'm just mostly concerned, it was just announced to us that you left the group and we never talked about this? like, i've never  seen you look discontent with being a part of stray kids. is there things that i don't know? i would love to talk to you before it goes public and we have to say you're not a part of the team anymore. i just wanna know what happened, you're like a sibling to me and i don't wanna lose one of the most important parts of the band because we just didn't talk you know? anyways, please answer as fast as you can".

chan left the voice message with as much strength as he could as he looked around the room. he didn't even wanna know what was gonna happen now because he never planned for stray kids to be eight. there was an empty space in the dorms now, a new type of silence and an increase of anger & confusion in all of the members that was justified right? why would you just leave? that's what they said. you weren't kicked out, just decided your time on stray kids was enough and he needed to speak to you to know what you felt.

✉ ✉ ✉

"so you decided to just leave? without telling any of us? real funny of you. i'm not disappointed or sad, i'm just fuming (y/n) and to think we trusted you. do you not understand that you ar- were a part of this for life? we were supposed to stay together forever. how do i even explain to felix and jeongin you're probably not gonna come back? i've never seen them look so distraught. i know i didn't show it but i really wanted you to be there for me in my most important moments 'cause i thought of you as a friend for life. i don't know what went down but this doesn't excuse your reaction to leave us in the dust".

minho felt betrayed, like he was stabbed and someone twisted the dagger. he wanted to protest against the manager that announced it all and he did, he did not stay silent like the rest. the shock then suddenly appeared knowing that they were eight members now and the fact that he wouldn't see you around the dorms, in practice, at the concerts, or at the music shows. it made him sick to his stomach that someone he considered a brother/sister just disappeared with no reason.

✉ ✉ ✉

"hey, i know it's kinda late but the news were just blurted out to us. i have no idea how to react. i just wanna know what happened, clearly there was something we didn't know that we need to talk about right? 'cause you can't just leave. i'm not gonna go out without a fight either, you are like one of my best friends and that's not gonna change. it's just so weird, we were talking about so much shit yesterday and you said you could only see your future with us and now you're gone? just like that? all your things are getting packed and it's just hard to watch. i don't imagine stray kids without you and i don't even want to".

changbin was completely lost. utterly and weirdly lost as he processed everything, another time he would've fought against it and he would've invaded his manager with questions (even if they were gonna remain unanswered). in this state he found himself in, he spammed you messages after sending the voicemail but they all weren't even seen. he wanted to go to chan for help but he saw the leader lost that shine in his eyes when all of this was announced. 

✉ ✉ ✉

"(y/n), i-i literally don't think this is the right decision. i know it's already in the work and that you will decide what's best for you. i am no one to tell you what to do but have you thought this through? leaving us? i'm just worried to be honest. felt like crying when they told us but i was a strong boy for you and yet you wouldn't care if you didn't care about leaving either. god i'm sorry, i'm just going through all the emotions at once and i still don't know how to react. just please call me and we'll talk it out like we always do, the team won't be the same without you and i don't even wanna think about you leaving me".

hyunjin knew he was being selfish by sending a voicemail like that and he did not care. even if didn't feel like crying before, he sure as hell was crying now thinking of his brother/sister and what could have happened for them to just leave. how did the person who was the most excited for him to come back from hiatus just decided to leave? and now they wouldn't answer their texts, it's like they disappeared face off the earth. hyunjin just wanted to get out of the dorms and go look for you, and guess what? he did.

✉ ✉ ✉

"hey. gosh, is it too late already? to be sending you this voicemail and hoping you come back? i know it's not easy. i don't know exactly what you went through for you to be making this decision on your own but i wanna know, i wanna get to know you better. even after all these years, i feel like we didn't discover each other fully and i want more, i want your visits at the studio, us messing up choreography on purpose and writing lyrics together till the morning. tomorrow is gonna be awful for all of us but for you especially as this is gonna go on public and i wanna be there for you before it all crumbles apart".

jisung wanted to know what happened first of all. then he wanted to hug you and not let you go, afraid you would slip away from his embrace and he would have to be left alone. if there was a thing people didn't mess with was his friends and he considered you to be on top of his list with the rest of the members. sharing a dorm with him, must've been a nightmare but you two managed to be a mess together. now looking at box after box of your stuff, he just felt the biggest hole in his heart.

✉ ✉ ✉

"are you okay? do you need me to go where you are? i know it's late but i would do anything for you, you know this. even right now as everyone is losing their minds, i just care about you and that might show a bit of favoritism. i just don't know what the hell happened for you to go, was it something we did or said? 'cause i can't recall and i will apologize a million times if i have to. it's just a lot okay? just to be told that you decided to leave and it was your choice. and if it was i just wanted to know if we could remain friends because i seriously don't want to lose you. just call me back please".

felix was devastated. the fact that you were alone somewhere, away from them, away from him. knowing that even if he said that he wanted to remain friends, the company wouldn't like that and you two would probably never see each other again. it just felt so weird to wait around for a message when you were the quickest to type them out but now it was as if the world was against him or something. he needed to hear your voice and to maybe tell him that it was all a really well calculated prank.

✉ ✉ ✉

"why did you leave? i don't wanna go in circles. i just need to know bluntly and straight the reason why you decided to leave us. weren't we forever? you said that so many times that right now it just feels like another lie. all the things we promised, they're gone too right? (y/n) please fucking answer me before i lose my mind. i am not a person to beg for anything but i would do it right now for you to explain what the hell happened. we are all as confused and lost as we could be! you didn't even say it to our face, were you scared to face us? why would you be scared? we were always gonna support you if you gave us a reason".

seungmin of course didn't mean to sound as angry as he did. he just couldn't help it when he was left in the dark by one of his closest friends and the worst part is knowing that this voicemail was gonna be left on seen. he threw his phone onto his bed as he sighed, hoping you would just answer. it was just scary to him that all of this was happening and he had no idea how to react. you weren't there with them like you always were and he wished for nothing more than for you to come back.

✉ ✉ ✉

"hey (y/n). it feels weird to call you by name but i just need to get your attention somehow so you answer me. it's been forever since we know each other and now to be witnessing what might be the end for what we were building, just leaves me with a bad taste. did we do something? or was it just something else happening that you never told us? either way i would rather you have stayed. i don't wanna cry because you wouldn't have liked that but i feel like i'm gonna do it anyway. not like you're here to stop me even though i wish you were. just please call me or any of us back, i wanna hear your voice telling us the truth".

jeongin's eyes were watery but he quickly wiped them away. he sat there on the couch while everyone was in their rooms and waited. he looked at the door every once in a while thinking maybe it would help him but at the end of the day it just hurt more to now that you probably weren't gonna come back. scrap that, you weren't gonna come back at all and this would be announced tomorrow. he felt like choking but he still stayed strong as he tried to think of the good moments with you and holding on to the memory for dear life.

[in-hav3n]

 𝓕𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 - 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 ?

The sun was already peeking through the curtains when a snore and a light cough roused you from your deep sleep. Still asleep, you blinked several times, taking your time to adjust to the brightness and emerge from your dream. One advantage of being a roadie was that you didn't have to get up too early, since the whole team was usually busy until late at night. You laid motionless for a few moments in the warmth of the comforter, staring at the pattern on the curtain in front of you, until you realized you weren't in your room. Where were you?

You glanced over your shoulder, rubbing your eyes as you searched for clues, until your eyes fell on the sleeping body beside you. A smile stretched across your lips as your mind recalled what had happened last night. You didn't leave this time, accepting to live in the moment, without asking yourself whether it was right or wrong. James wanted you to stay, and just after you'd settled under the covers, his strong arm encircled your hips. You felt that pleasant sensation of having an arm around you to keep you warm and you fell asleep, completely exhausted. You assumed James was too. How could he not be after a two hours gig and a making love session.

A warm sensation invaded you and burned your core, as you blushed at the thought of what you've experienced. It was incredible…You'd only spent a short time together but you shared something quite intimate. Anyone would have thought it's ridiculous to say something special had happened, but that was the feeling you had. James made you feel complete, different. Special even. It was hard to explain.

But now you had to make up your mind ; the night was over and so was this affair. It was time to go back into the real life. 

Your eyes sought out the alarm on the bedside table, the red digits telling you it was past eleven. You still had time to enjoy these last moments and the human warmth you'd been missing. Also more time to wake up, to have a quick breakfast and to pack. The first leg of the European tour was over and the next concert would be in a month's time, giving everyone a bit of a break.

You sighed, thinking it was really the end of a lot of things…yet you still couldn't understand one thing: why had James insisted that you stay with him? It didn't make sense to you, especially since he still hadn't explained. You'd hoped that you'd parted ways without actually having to have this discussion, but he'd decided otherwise. That said, he was a middle-aged man, so did he need to justify himself to you? Certainly not, you thought with a sigh. All you had to do was be grateful for the time you spent with him and move on.

James let out another light snore in his sleep and rolled over onto his left side, facing you. This still left you enough room to turn onto your back and stretch slowly, before moving to your right side, facing him in turn. He looked like he was fast asleep, and his features, usually a little more drawn, seemed more rested. His body moved to the slow, regular rhythm of his breathing. You watched every detail of his face, every wrinkle that made him so special and charming, smiling as you realized this man had chosen to share an intimacy with you, and you felt lucky.

A few minutes later, his leg moved under the comforter, his eyes began to move before opening to stare at you. You smiled at him, hoping he wouldn't find it strange that you were watching him.

“Morning…”, his harsh and deep morning voice breaking the silence. He stretched his arms far above his head, making the comforter move slightly, uncovering your bare shoulder.

“Good morning”, you whispered back with a tired smile and sleepy eyes. 

"I hope I didn't take up too much space during the night. I'm not really used to sharing my bed anymore"

“You didn’t”, you shook your head with a smile, thinking it was funny to hear him saying such a thing. He was so tough and beefy that you'd have felt it. But how you'd have loved to sleep on him, taking him as personal pillow. “I can be pretty invasive in bed myself too”. 

“And you weren't”, he assured you, smiling back. 

There was silence as he, in turn, took the time to wake up. Meanwhile, you remained silent, not daring to disturb him.

And very quickly, your mind began to think, wondering what to do next. He had asked you to stay, but what should you do? Get close to him and snuggle in his arms? You'd love to enjoy that last embrace, but wasn't that a bit over the top, given the nature of your relationship? You preferred to remain silent, waiting for James to make the first move.

"On what time do you have to be at the stadium today?”, James asked, scratching his grey hair.

"Early afternoon", you told him, adjusting the position of your head on the pillow. "We have the clean up the place and put all the boxes into the trucks. But I have to clean up my room and pack up my things before going there. It’s past eleven, I’m not late”.

A new silence settled in. You were still looking for a way to ask her what to think about all this, but it was too early for you to think properly. You were afraid of how he'd react, or that you'd come across as a strange girl making up stories. For his part, James didn't seem in any hurry to give you any more explanations. So you decided to take the easy way out…

"Well...I wouldn't want to disrupt your schedule, I think I should leave now" you said with a slight, embarrassed smile, pushing back the blanket, one leg already off the bed. But James stopped you before you could go any further, grabbing you by the arm. You looked up at him, over your shoulder, before he pulled you to against his chest. His lips settled on yours for a gentle kiss, his hands gripping your forearms, as if he wanted to hold you back and prevent you from leaving.

Butterflies made a party into your belly, a strong feeling of joy and content crossing all your body. But all this was far too dangerous. All these attentions to you made you forget the true nature of your relationship, making you hope for other things. And this wasn't good for you...

When your lips parted, you shared a glance that could mean many things. James was the absolute master of confusion.

“You always seem in a hurry to leave me…Why?”.

You didn't respond immediately, pulling away slowly and looking down at your hands. You didn’t need a mirror to know you were blushing hard. Your cheeks were burning and burned more when James placed his palm on it.

“What’s wrong baby? Tell me”. He encouraged you, his fingertips stroking your cheek in a pure torture way. He wasn't making it any easier

“I just…”, you started, but immediately let out a sigh, looking away again then back down. You felt so stupid that you are avoiding his gaze, staring at your hands.

You sat up on your knees beside him, the comforter around your hips to cover your naked lower body. “It’s hard for me to understand all of this. I mean-...", you sighed, daring to stare at his beautiful blue eyes. "I thought you just wanted to have fun with me and I agree with that. And then…you asked me to come back and here we are". You shrugged, scratching your head as you felt uncomfortable. Damn, you'd have loved to disappear, to hide from his gaze. "I’m just confused. And I know it’s completely silly…”.

James cut you off with a finger on your lips and a warm smile. Even tough his gesture pleased you, it wasn't still what you wanted him to do. You needed him to say it loud, to make you face the truth sooner than later. “I just want you to be honest with me. I'm not delusional and I know I shouldn't expect anything after. I'm not here to beg you for more. I just want you to say it to me...". There, you finally let it out.

James leaned on his elbow, looking up at you with a frown. "And what should I say to you?", he wondered, trying to understand the purpose of this talk.

"Say to me it was fun but now it's time to say goodbye. Say to me you have other things to do and that I should go back to my room and do my job. Why asking me to stay the night with you? I don't understand. It's just so-...confusing".

A huge weight finally left your shoulders as you sighed deep, waiting for what was coming next. Now you felt you were ready to hear it.

“What if I say…", James started, his glance looking around before setting back up on you. "I did have fun but...I want more”.

Speechless and more than surprised by his statement, you stared at him for a moment, completely lost. More? What did that mean?

“At first, I thought it would be nice to have fun, for just one night", he explained, one of his hands taking yours to play with your fingers. "But then, I realized I was maybe ready for something…different. That’s why I asked you to come back last night. I wanted more. I wanted to see what my intentions were…”.

“I still don’t understand-...", you replied, shaking your head in disbelief. "I’m just a normal girl, a roadie. Why wasting your time with a younger girl like me ?"

Gently, James rose to stand over you, the skin of his torso touching yours, making you shiver. You looked into his eyes, your hands resting naturally on his chest as you searched for answers to all the questions running through your mind. He slowly leaned upon you to kiss you tenderly, making you shiver.

"It's not about who you are", James said, looking deep into your eyes after he pulled away. "It's about what you make me feel and...I can't really explain it but... I'm feeling a connection, something that makes me think I should trust".

He let out a slight chuckle when he noticed no reaction coming from you. "Are you okay?".

"Yeah, I just_", you said with a nervous chuckle, your fingertips touching his soft hair chest, circling his tattoos. Your heart was pounding fast, definitely not prepared for this and it was kinda hard to believe his words. Maybe you were dreaming? "It's just that I still can't believe what I heard. I didn't expect such a confession".

"It's the truth though", James gave you a smile, chuckling again, amused by you reaction. "I enjoy spending time with you and...", his hand softly caressed your cheek, "if you agree, I'd like to see you again".

"But what about...my age? The fact we're not living in the same state ? Now tour is over, we're heading back home. Plus, you're famous and I'm just...me. I mean, let's face it. Could it work?".

"We can make it work", he assured you, nodding. "All I care about is what we can do. I don't care about the rest sweetheart..."

Master of confusion was striking again. James seemed so sure about it, about everything while you were still questioning yourself, your mind slowly realizing he confessed his desire to be with you. But was it a good idea? How could you be sure he was honest with you?

"I'm going back to Colorado tonight. Maybe you can meet me there? We could spend some time together, getting to know each other...even if I think we have skipped the intimate part yet", his joke made you chuckled. You looked deep into his eyes, chewing your lips. Your heart was telling you he was sincere, your soul was more than enthusiastic about the idea but it was so unexpected...

You decided to follow him again yesterday and it had been magical. Why wouldn't it be if you stay with him? Would it be enough to make you forget all your fears?

"Alright, I'll meet you there but I don't want people to know. I want this to be only you and me".

"Don't worry about it. Only you and me...", he promised, as he leaned upon you again, a big smile on his lips. His face came closer until he pulled you for a tender kiss. You replied with the same passion, your arms encircling his neck. You abandoned yourself to him, ready to experience something else with this man that was making your heart jump of joy and was making you feel so special. You just hoped you made the right decision...

A/N : So sorry for the delay, I struggled a little with this part! I wanted something cute and special, not too cliché and I hope I did something interesting. Stay tuned, next parts are coming. Thanks for your support, love you all ❣️

[janglingargot]

Oh, hey, are we dropping Vandelay family headcanons in the tag today? Because oh boy, have I got some headcanons after doing the math on the various timeline stamps that we're given throughout the game.

So here's the thing, right? I honestly don't think Roxanne's kids have the same father, for starters. No judgment, for the record, just observing! Hear me out:

That fifteen-year age gap seems to indicate that Kale was born in Roxanne's early twenties, right around the time she was getting Vandelay Solutions off the ground as a startup. He has her last name, and we never hear anything about a father, which indicates to me that the bio dad was not in the picture. We know that the company's rise was meteoric, going from one woman selling products out of the back of a truck, to the biggest company of its kind, in just three years. (We also know that Vandelay Technologies was well-established enough to be doing major disaster cleanup by the time Korsica was a child, and she's about six years younger than Kale.)

What that says to me, personally, is that Roxanne was not super involved in Kale's upbringing. She was young and passionate and extremely busy with her flourishing tech startup, and I assume that by the time Kale was a small child, she had plenty of money to make sure he was being taken care of, by other people. I'm not judging her too harshly for this: I'm sure she justified it to herself as the best way to support her child, and vanishing into your brilliant work at the expense of family time is the kind of behavior that countless male tech geniuses get a free social pass for.

Fast forward to fifteen years later, and Vandelay Technologies is a stable empire. Roxanne would have been in her late thirties or early forties by that point. She's older now, more interested in parenting, and it's sinking in for her that she's mostly missed her first baby's childhood and he's grown into someone she has very little in common with. She's got all the resources she could ever need at her fingertips now, if she wanted to try single parenting again and do it properly this time.

Enter Peppermint, who I honestly think was a planned-for and dearly-beloved IVF baby. (All the physical features she shares with Kale, mostly coloring, are also shared by Roxanne, and they're built quite differently; it's not at all hard to imagine them having different genetic fathers.) This time around, Roxanne kept her home life and work life so meticulously separate that Macaron didn't even know she had a daughter. I think whether Roxanne thought of it that way or not, Peppermint was kind of a do-over child, a chance for Roxanne to be a "real" mother and a hands-on mentor.

The way Peppermint talks about her upbringing, it seems like she felt an enormous amount of pressure to follow in Roxanne's footsteps, which she eventually rebelled against by running away. She was the late-in-life child, the mother's daughter, the technically gifted protegé. With her talents and interests, she would have been the obvious choice to inherit the company and carry on the Vandelay legacy.

But did Roxanne really want Peppermint to be her little mini-me? I'm not so sure, especially considering the things she says during their reunion. Given Pep's age and the implication that she ran away when she was no older than eighteen (she's 23 and Kale has been in charge at Vandelay for at least five years), not to mention the things she says about Kale's manipulative behavior, I strongly believe that Kale had a hand in exacerbating the misunderstandings between mother and daughter. Kale obviously deeply resented his baby sister for being "Mommy's favorite", and was probably dripping poison into her ear throughout her teens, if not well before that.

Deliberately souring their relationship must have seemed like his best shot at inheriting the company, and we know Kale was eager to ride his mother's coattails and do as little real work as possible. For that matter, he must have hated the idea of being supplanted by this upstart baby who got all the attention he never did, born when he was nearly an adult himself. I have no doubt that Kale did whatever he could to convince Peppermint to get out of Roxanne's life, not to mention his own.

[britt-kageryuu]

Donnie and Leo are streaming together, but Leo is playing the game. Their masks with lightly glowing stars, models are in matching starry hoodies, black legging shorts that showed off their leg marking, and leg wraps/socks.

Leo is replaying Skyrim w/DLC,(not the new update) but without any mods. Because there was an issue with something in their modded game, and Donnie couldn't tell if it was a mod, or a base game w/DLC. They bought a version of the game that had the DLC pre installed into the game, and they already know base game is held together with ductape and the Will of the Devine Beings.

Leo was messing with the character customization, "All these options, but the only thing I can make Blue is my Eyes! I miss the Terrapin mod already. Well can't do much more, now what do I name my Argonian?" Leo rambles on engaging with chat while Donnie is looking over the active running code in real time with his laptop.

"Let's Go, Lord Scaly Butt! On through the tutorials, then the place we keep crashing!" Leo shouts almost knocking Donnie over with his enthusiasm.

~~~~A bit of relearning the basics and 1 dead dragon later~~~~

Once they finished with the beginning quests, bought the Whiterun house to drop off the dragon parts, and returned the Golden Claw, Leo started to mess with simple tasks that quickly raise your levels.

"Alright Dee, what requirements are needed to replicate this crash scenario? Also this took over an hour! Did the game always take this long in the beginning?" Leo is once again rambling, looking back and forth between chat and Donnie.

This is causing the audience to wonder what kind of energy drinks or something he had, or what might've been added to his tea/coffee today.

Donnie in the mean time is reading over a list, ignoring his twin while scrolling, "The build according to your last save, you had the light dragon armor, not enchanted, you had finished this list of quest," they lean over to show Leo the list, "and as you can see, a long list of negligible variables that I have already tested out of possible crach sources. And while this may take a long time, I will try to keep you on track."

Leo's eyes go wide at the list as he reads it over, "How long have I been playing on that save! How long is this going to take!?!" He says slowly getting loader.

Donnie just leans away, "Give me a moment, I forgot to cull the quests that are not important to this process." They show the new list, "It might take a few dozen hours, it might not. You will need to fast travel occasionally to the crash point to help narrow down the possible source."

Leo stares at Donnie for a moment thinking over what he just said.

"But wouldn't that also mess up the results, since it might've been a combo of more things, not less?"

Donnie pauses, turns to Leo, then back at his laptop.

"Dee, how long have you been awake?" Leo asks with a look of disappointment.

Donnie was about to make their argument, but then let out a loud, long yawn. They shake their head before looking a bit panicked, "Wait, I'm fine, I've stayed up for longer, plus don't you want to replay Skyrim? And explore, fight dragons, try to complete those glitched quests?!" Donnie rambles, trying to justify his tiredness.

Leo still looked at him with suspicion, but goes back to the game. He is very much not convinced. He just knows is he fights Donnie on this, he might get bit.

The audience is making some jokes about Leo stealing Donnies energy, some are trying to justify Donnies argument, and some kinda want to see Leo force Donnie to go take a nap.

Leo continues to play, chatting with the audience, meanwhile Donnie at some point passed out, and started to let out snores, chuurs, a hiss or two, and some slight growls.

Either way the audience was enjoying themselves.

---------------

Masterpost

This was originally just an them replaying without mods, then I remembered how Stupidly Long the beginning of Skyrim is, then I remembered that the Skyrim background music makes me sleepy, thus we end up with the above.

I could not stick to my original plan since I was also replaying the beginning of Skyrim.

[bethanydelleman]

Online Discourse, Redemption Arcs, and Jane Austen

There is a story in the Bible where Jesus is brought a woman who has cheated on her spouse. The officials ask Jesus what to do, he knows they are trying to trick him into breaking the law with mercy, so he says, "Go ahead, throw rocks at her until she dies, that's the law, BUT whoever has never done anything wrong throws the first stone." Eventually everyone leaves and Jesus forgives the woman.

This post I shared a while ago really makes me think of that story, because online commentary of characters seems to so often break into two groups:

People so unforgiving, so unwilling to allow a single misstep in a character that they would start throwing stones immediately

People who will twist themselves into knots to prove that everything the character did was justified (and since we have zero backstory for the unnamed woman in this story, it would be easy to give her a sympathetic one. She did it because of trauma!)

Let's apply this to Emma Woodhouse. At Box Hill, she mildly insults an older woman, it is a poorly timed and placed joke:

“Oh! very well,” exclaimed Miss Bates, “then I need not be uneasy. ‘Three things very dull indeed.’ That will just do for me, you know. I shall be sure to say three dull things as soon as ever I open my mouth, shan’t I? (looking round with the most good-humoured dependence on every body’s assent)—Do not you all think I shall?” Emma could not resist. “Ah! ma’am, but there may be a difficulty. Pardon me—but you will be limited as to number—only three at once.”

There are basically two reactions to this insult: BURN EMMA AT THE STAKE and Eh, not that bad. Now I think with this particular insult, it really wasn't that bad and we are told about the surrounding extenuating circumstances that caused Emma to slip up. However, I'm probably wrong because Emma does feel guilty and she does make amends. While she does not directly apologize, it's clear in the novel that what she did was a relationship repair.

What makes me feel like a crazy person is how many people throw first stones! How many people are SHOCKED by what Emma said and they could NEVER imagine insulting Miss Bates in such a cruel way! Get over yourself! I feel fairly certain that every human being on earth over 25 had insulted someone to the same level as Emma has insulted Miss Bates. That doesn't mean it is excusable, Emma should apologize and so should we, but I'm left amazed by how many people feel blameless in the face of this extremely human and relatable error.

And yes, it makes me wonder about forgiveness in their real lives. There are some things that I believe could be hard and fast "never forgive" rules, like your SO should never hit you, but people make mistakes. We should have room for forgiveness, we should understand circumstances. People get tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and sometimes they screw up. It makes me wonder if this is an online persona effect, where we never show our negative sides, or is this a true opinion. Do people forget their own mistakes?

There also seems to be this idea that once someone has done something once, it's already a pattern even if the novel is full of counter-evidence. Emma is very polite throughout the novel, she endures people that annoy her a lot, she is endlessly accommodating with her father, but a single insult to Miss Bates and people start retroactively making her worse. When she visited that poor family she must have been insulting them! (Nope) Suddenly she becomes a villain through and through, instead of a normal girl who made a few mistakes.

That's not even getting into the real "villains" of Austen's works. The amount of people who tell me that Lydia (16), Henry Crawford (probably 24), Mary Crawford (22-24), Willoughby (25), and so on and so fourth ARE INCAPABLE OF CHANGE and will never improve. Like excuse me? Have you not changed and improved since you were 16-25? How early do you give up on people? Do you really think a young adult is fully formed?

Is this how you think of people in the real world too?

[aragarna]

Zorro Vive

And vive bien!

So, I've finished Season 1 of the new Zorro show (available through Amazon in the US and most Spanish and Portuguese-speaking countries), and I really enjoyed it!

Without spoilers, I'd say that its main qualities are that it's fun and earnest and more cosmopolite in its retailing of the old story. It doesn't take itself too seriously, there's plenty of little homages to previous adaptations. There's many interesting and well-developed characters - of all genders and ethnicities.

It's (literally) colorful, with a comic/pulp feel that suits it well. There's been a true care brought to the action scenes, and OMG the night scenes are damn well lit. It's rare enough nowadays so points for that. Generally, the show is quite beautiful.

More spoilery thoughts under the cut.

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect from a new show. It's always hard to bring new canon to something so established and so iconic. And even though the Disney show is *not* the original canon, for a lot of people, it is.

But as a principle, same as for book adaptations or remakes, I'm not opposed to variations or changes. As long as they're good changes.

And I have to say, the vast majority of the changes in the new Zorro show, to me, were actually good changes, or necessary improvements for today's audience.

The most obvious is giving back a real voice to the Natives and not sugarcoating the colonization aspect. There's tension there. Natives are angry. But as years passed, people born there consider themselves "true Californians". Natives aren't just background characters or peons anymore. They're a driving plot force. They're shown in their own environment, with their own rites (I don't know enough about Natives of this area to know how accurate it is, but it felt a lot more authentic and respectful to me than other versions).

I do like the idea that the Zorro character comes from the Native culture, and that it's been passed on from one person to the next. Though it also brings my one big issue with the show: Diego becoming Zorro reads a lot like "a white dude steals a Native heritage." And yes, it's symbolic, and yes the fox spirit chose him, Diego didn't pick him, but still. Given that the audience is meant to support Diego (who really is a sweet guy!), that the narrative keeps showing us that Nah-Lin is wrong and should accept it, given the colonization context of that story, it's sitting a bit wrong with me.

This aside, I do like the exploration of revenge vs. justice, violence vs. a more measured response, in the face of adversity. When a few months back, the tagline "revenge is personal, justice is for all" appeared on the first poster, I wasn't sure what to think. I don't like revenge-driven characters. It's cliché and wrong. But the fact that the show precisely explored that, both with Diego and Nah-Lin, was actually quite interesting.

Diego, as I said, is a decent guy. A sweet boy really, vaguely immature originally but having to mature really fast, as the death of his father, the business of the rancho, the Zorro thing and Lolita's wedding are all dropping on him at once. Miguel Bernardeau is a clear departure from most of the previous Zorros, who were played by older actors, giving a more "adult" vibe to the character, but given he's supposed to be fresh out of college and out of his element, Bernardeau's more juvenile features fit the character well.

Nah-Lin is a lot angrier, and while in the context of the story, she's shown to be going at it the wrong way, all that anger *is* justified, and not something that can just be brushed off. Peace can't come easy when you anger people that way.

And you know who else I really liked? That damn Capitan Monasterio! Who would have thought LOL No, but seriously. Not sure why they named him that way. He was actually more of a Sergeant Garcia (or Mendoza from the 1990 show) than a Monastario. Obviously without the comic relief and cutely incompetent side of the character, but as the character who is a decent guy stuck between a rock and a hard place, serving a tyrannic boss and chasing a heroic outlaw that he may not hate that much.

I also really liked what they did with Lolita. An opinionated young lady that throws away all the corseting conventions of her time is always very relatable to me. Also, I just love her fashion sense. I wasn't sure what they were going to do with that impossible love triangle (I thought for a long time the wedding wouldn't actually happen). I wouldn't have thought they'd have Lolita figure it out, but I'm glad she did.

I'm glad they kept Bernardo, the mute confident. And I love Mei, too. The dynamic between the three of them (with Diego) is great!

Also, it's great to finally have a Spanish-speaking production, and have the characters speaking in Spanish, instead of having American actors put on fake accents.

I may have a couple of minor complains: namely that I didn't care about Samael nor Alejandro's first love. Not sure planting so early something that they're keeping for S2 is a right move. Feels like a waste of screentime. Also, I'm not particularly found of secret societies trying to rule the world, but it seems to be mandatory to any Zorro story... And the finale episode didn't actually wrap up that many plotlines - every major villain escaped! So that kinda made it look like Zorro didn't accomplish much, apart from breaking Lolita's heart, and his. But none of this prevented me from having a good time watching the show. I just really hope there'll be a S2 cause it'd be a shame to leave things there!

How about you guys? What did you think of it?

[alexas-fandom-and-random-blog]

I need to get it out of my chest so here's some Striker theories/speculations fandom has come up with that I heavily dislike and why.

Striker has some royalty blood from one parent or both.

Oh God that would suck so much if it became canon cause it absolutely defeats the purpose of his character so far, that of being a lower class imp hating royals with valid reasons even if his actions are violent and sadistic.

As he is he has such an interesting antagonistic role in the story and offers a bunch of good lines directly opposing and questioning the heroes values, choices and morality.

His mere presence and open bashing of the upper class is just good social commentary! If his hatred stems from a combination of his narcissistic nature and bitterness that being born an imp (even mixed or hybrid) robs him from ascending further into the social ladder or even if he survived a traumatic encounter with a royal as its implied and it's fuelled by anger or a combo of all those things all are good for telling a compelling story! All can be done in very interesting ways!

But making him yet another character tied closer to royalty than just being a random person that got screwed over is honestly an underwhelming concept.

Getting screwed over for no good or justified reason should be common with Hell's racist and classist system as its been presented so far and we should get confirmation of that instead of having Striker added to the trend of each of the main characters having special connections with higher ups. It's not only redundant at this point but would make his motivation and social commentary that much weaker.

I swear if it just becomes another daddy or mommy issue imma rage quit so fast!

Striker is half shark demon

His sound design is explicitly constantly emulating the noises a rattlesnake makes. Since he's most likely a hybrid and he says to Blitzo how they are "superior to most of our kind" he's definitely part imp. So we got two halves and we got snake demon and imp, so it's basically covered? lol I don't know how this theory became so popular😅

He doesn't even look close to the design of the other sharks

he only looks like Chaz a little bit.

And lots of characters share similar characteristics like that snout.

This one had some merit with the ringed eyes and imma be real I haven't noticed those elsewhere but like even if he had a grandpa shark what purpose would that serve?

Bah I just don't like it. Let the man be a slimy snake! Its more unique and it suits him better!

Striker is asexual cause he got grossed out by sex jokes

No...just no..

To be clear you could totally read him as asexual! But the reason being the damn sex jokes is giving me whiplash. Striker got flustered and frustrated at best cause the timing of each sex joke was inappropriate as all hell and cause everyone did it as he tried to be intimidating and threaten/kill them. If anything they were bruises to his ego not any indication to his libido.

But like... In all seriousness asexual confirmation deserves more than a reaction to sex jokes.

Hellaverse does it better with Alastor. In his case it does tie in with his sexuality.

Same goes with all the theories that he's homophobic too.

He did the sexy villain thing trying to seduce Blitzo like so explicitly and smiled when Blitzo called it hot then! What are you talking about?

Different situation, more receptive to sexual undertones and instigating them too. That's what I'm trying to say!

And again. Asexual reading can apply. But it can't be just the sex jokes alright?!😭

(yeah yeah it's a joke on itself. still valid I get it.)

Striker is related to Crimson and Moxxie.

Oh this one is the worst one and absolutely gives me a heart attack and thank goodness for the crew's soft confirmation that they aren't via strixxie fanart cause no joke I'd cry since its my favourite ship!

It's just similar horns!!! Striker was designed as a mix between Moxxie and Blitzo and that's the only reason why!

Striker also had sexual tension with Blitzo on screen are you gonna tell me they are related too cause he was designed with half of him in mind?

I hate this theory so much.

Granted purely for shipping reasons but holy shit it got popular and I hated that!

I've had enough with turning every ship into potential incest just cause and harassing fans over it!

Got such "Fizz and Blitzo are siblings" deja vu😬

Ahem...

Anyways yeah that's all.

To end it more positively I love the snake man! Didn't spot him on the trailer but still hope we see him in the upcoming episodes🥺

Preferably doing shit like this and traumatizing everyone lmao! (with no godawful statue jokes in sight thank you very much)

[ochrearia]

"Brothers, right?"

The brain is rotting. If my friends happen to mention they have something they need to finish to my face then I go into Pavloving mode and I always promise RGBFverse drabbles if they finish their shit. Like dangling a bite of turkey

BFs in this drabble: PoPr!BF (Biff, mine), fc!BF (Boyf, Keyy's), Yourself (YS)

It was becoming more and more common that YS wouldn't be left alone for very long if any of the others could help it. The more instances he made aware of his existence, the harder it became to find himself actually and truly alone. Whether that consisted of constant text messages in the group chat with teasing snarks of 'Watch what you say, the big scary admin's probably lurking', or having someone just casually stroll through his mirror, it was all the same sentiment.

Sometimes it was someone looking for advice. Actually, that was what YS was always expecting out of them. But now? More often than not they came over just because they could. No real problems- not anything urgent at least. Only eager smiles and mischief in the air, because for most of his other selves 'just hanging out' had a second meaning of 'how can I piss YS the hell off today?'.

They never truly pissed him off. It would take a whole lot to get to that point (Biff did it once, but the more in the past it became the harder it was for him to justify the overwhelming fury it had caused).

Speaking of Biff, he was here. Boyf was here too, he'd come a little later and decided he had nothing better to do. It was pretty late at night, and realistically the both of them should be going home to their partners by now. YS had never had a 'sleepover' with any of them staying over at his place. He'd slept over a few times at Biff's, and once for Beef, but that was an embarrassing story he mainly tried to keep out of his head.

"I very highly doubt my shitty couch and boring selection of TV channels is a better place to crash compared to your apartment where your lovers are." YS snarked quietly to Boyf. He kept his voice low, causing a gravelly effect but still smooth somehow.

Biff was already fast asleep against his leg, curled up and one arm completely bent over his lap. This idiot was going to worry his partners, there was no way he'd mentioned to them he might stay over long. But YS didn't have the heart to wake him up either. Dammit, when did he lose all capacity to be mean?

"Can stay for a bit longer. No harm in it. Not like I have a curfew, you know." Boyf responded. It was strange, there seemed to be agitation in his eyes.

YS shrugged, allowing for his hand to find its way softly to Biff's back, rubbing comforting patterns as he slept away. He hated to admit it, but it was starting to get a little difficult to keep his eyes open too. Seemed like the warmth from one body was enough to placate him way more than he'd admit to.

"How did he do it?"

What? "I... I have no idea what you're referring to, I'm gonna be honest."

"Biff. Look at him." Boyf thought with a sniff. "Content with where he is. Totally comfortable with falling asleep on top of you like it's second nature. And you let him, hell, you indulge him. It's like there's miles of difference between the two of you and the rest of us."

YS grimaced slightly, looking between the sleeping Biff and Boyf. Ah, shit, suppose he was right. "Well-"

"Is it really just because he got to meet you first? Or is there just something about that version of us you like more?"

"I- no, no, nothing like that I swear." YS frowned, getting a little nervous. Shit. He should've been acting less close with Biff around the others, of course they were going to pick it up as possible favoritism. "I- I just... I don't know. Biff's just... I can't say different, because that's not the right word. Fuck, how do I word this?"

Boyf watched him carefully as he struggled to find a way to say what he wanted.

"I care about all of you. I wouldn't have kept in contact if I didn't. I've been left to suffer alone for a while, and somewhere along the line I think I've forgotten how social relationships work. I know I'm guarded, and probably really freaky, and as much as the initial reactions of rejection from everyone hurt, I can't say I don't understand them. If I was normal I'd probably freak out too. Biff wasn't super keen about me at the beginning, but I also kind of sucker-punched him in the face with my microphone as our first meeting. I think I stuck around after to try and make up for that."

"Holy shit, you did? Wait, that's actually really hilarious."

"Ha ha." YS rolled his eyes. "I regret being like that. I don't regret meeting him. I threw everything I had at him in a song that still echoes in my own head from time to time and he still won. Maybe I got intrigued off of that. The way he and I met was wildly different to how I met the rest of you, and I think that also might play a part in our whole... dynamic."

"I guess that makes sense." Boyf sighed, shaking his head. "It's a little funny that you whacked the shit out of him the first second. I guess that one interaction set the tone for the rest of forever, definitely seems like the kind of shit an older brother would do to a younger one."

"I didn't exactly have plans of getting to this point when I did that." YS grumbled. "I was in pain and blinded to any actual logic. Doesn't excuse what I did obviously. Suppose everything I've done since then has been me trying to apologize for how I acted. It wasn't right of me."

Biff shifted slightly in his sleep, causing YS to break out of his thoughts. He didn't wake, thankfully, and the taller one returned to his mindless pattern tracing. Biff was important to him. Really important. They all were. It was sappy, and scary to think about for too long, because he was scared. The rest hadn't reacted all that well to him. Way more hostile than Biff had been on his own at the start. But something tugged painfully in his heart, thinking about the rest. He wanted to be close to all of them, like a family, but he was scared they wouldn't feel the same. He really only felt safe to act like a brother to Biff.

Maybe he really should put some more trust in his other selves, but after everything, losing who he did, god it was so terrifying. He ached for connection but was far too scared to take that risky step to get it. Maybe that would be his fate, since he was such a coward.

"You're all important to me." YS insisted. "I guess I haven't been doing a good job of actually showing that. I'm sorry."

For what it was worth, Boyf looked a little guilty for bringing it up. "No, you've been doing great. It's my fault. The way you act with him is obviously different but I shouldn't have taken it so personally."

"But that's hardly fair, right?" YS cut in, shaking his head. "That's not fair to the rest of you. None of you were in control of the circumstances for how we met, what gives me the right to show clear favoritism for one little brother compared to the rest? That's such a shitty thing for me to-"

"One little brother compared to the rest?"

Fuck.

YS startled, realizing what the hell he'd just said. He looked at Boyf, who's expression became unreadable, and he hated to admit it, but he really, fully panicked.

"I- shit, wait-" YS stumbled, nerves making his muscles tighten. Fuck, why did he say that?! Boyf had had enough of being the accidental target of words YS absolutely should not say out loud, why was it so hard to just keep his mouth shut?! "I'm- I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that, I wasn't supposed to- That's- That's so weird, isn't it? That's weird. I shouldn't have-"

"Why the hell are you apologizing?" Boyf thought, and incredulous look spreading on his face.

YS shifted nervously, not quite being able to meet the other's eyes. "I'm supposed to be guarded. I'm not supposed to say things like that, I reach out to offer help and nothing more, I'm not allowed to take enjoyment out of what I'm doing, that defeats the purpose, that makes me selfish." I'm not supposed to be given nice things.

That last one went unspoken.

Boyf scooted a little closer. The couch was already on the small side, and Biff had to be all curled up as it was to even fit on his side without spilling over the edge. The smallest of the three still slept away, completely unaware to what was going on right in front of him.

"I was jealous."

YS blinked, his panic derailed for a moment from the confession that seemed so out of left field. "Huh?"

"I was jealous of Biff. That's why this whole conversation started." Boyf thought, a determined but slightly embarrassed look on his face. "I was jealous, because he's so clearly a little brother to you, and you're a big brother to him, and you clearly both want it that way. But that's between you two."

A pause.

"I'm a middle child, you know. But because of how things played out, I didn't get to be the middle child really. I had to be the eldest when I didn't want to. I had to miss out on having an older sibling to take care of me when I needed it. I was robbed, but I can't really be mad about it. And then you showed up. And the way you act with Biff, it made me jealous, because why the hell does he get to have a big brother and I still don't?"

YS was silent; stunned into silence, actually, because this was the last thing he'd been expecting. He'd noticed Boyf's random insistence to be taken care of before, though he'd blamed it on how sick he had been when it happened. That wasn't sick-induced? That was just him?

"Don't apologize for what you said. God, don't you fucking dare." Boyf frowned at him. "I didn't think you had the same idea for the rest of us that you do for Biff. I really couldn't tell. It's hard to read you, like, at all. Can't you be my big brother too? If you really see us all the same way?"

He was asking. Letting him decide if he wanted to or not, as if YS had any real choice to begin with. He was in too deep that he couldn't say no anymore- not that he even wanted to. God, he'd just been scared, scared the whole time. Fear of rejection, of abandonment, saying or doing the wrong thing. Not doing enough, doing too much. Judging eyes always on him, the same ones that saw him fit to tear his own wings off after letting the one person he'd cared about die. And now he was here, amongst selves that wanted him to be important to them.

"If... If that's what you want." YS said carefully. If he made it sound like he was just indulging him, maybe it wouldn't feel so undeserved.

"If it's what we both want." Boyf thought firmly. "I don't want a one-sided thing. I want a big brother that wants me to be his little brother, not someone who just does what I want them to. That's not the same."

He was going to make him admit it. Admitting things was scary.

"I..." He hesitated. "I'd really like that."

Boyf seemed pleased with this answer. Good, for once, YS had said something right around him. Maybe if he was just honest with his feelings more he wouldn't fuck up so much. If only that didn't take so much out of him.

YS hesitated for another moment, before silently reaching his arm out to Boyf. An invitation, because there was still space on the couch, and he had another leg that could be used as a pillow if needed. If they really both wanted to be brothers, then closeness could be okay, and not terrifying. Biff had taught him that. Surely it would go the same for the rest?

Boyf barely took any time to think about it. He may have been over a foot taller than Biff, but the minute the invitation was made he was curling up to fit, head leaned against YS's other leg. He managed to squeeze himself into enough of a ball to avoid spilling over the edge of the couch too. It was late, and realistically this probably meant he would stay over too, with how enthusiastically he pushed his head against him.

"You should at least warn your partners you might stay out overnight." YS reminded gently, his other arm coming to mirror what he was doing with Biff. Equal treatment.

"Fine, fine. I know it's late but I just got to meet my big brother for real, you're not kicking me out immediately." Boyf pulled out his phone and started tapping away.

YS couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from his lips. Oh, his eyes were growing so heavy now. Two sources of body heat were curled up against his legs, warmth seeping from the contact points to the rest of his body. The adrenaline from the short panic had immediately ran off, taking extra energy with it. He didn't mind this.

Two little brothers. Maybe more, if I can stop being so scared. But two is enough for tonight.

[diet-cokesiut]

Ok so I'm going to be that guy. I am not saying this from a place of malice but from actual concern as I have seen similar shit happen.

You met a guy. You like him lots. A little while after your relationship started he convinced you to start selling your nudes and sex tapes on discord.

Is he your boyfriend or your pimp at this point?

People have kinks. Indulging in them is perfectly fine. The reason I am somewhat concerned is the speed at which this seemingly happened. From what I have seen when things go this fast bridges are burned and relationships get broke so absolutely that you are left with no safety net when/if things go wrong.

Have fun, enjoy yourself, make memories but please be careful so they aren't ones that you regret.

alright so i've been getting a decent handful of messages about @repulsive-manwhore. i'd like to just clear this shit up real quick lol

1. he's not my boyfriend. we are good friends who met on this site, and i did not start this friendship without the idea of selling content

2. there is no coaxing, coercing, convincing, or anything else like that going on. he gives me encouragement and reassures me, but if at any time i were to say i wanted to be done selling content, he would respect that. we have talked about it.

3. the reason the payment is to him is because of the way the government works. i don't want to have to fill out any extra shit or justify income or anything. it's that simple. he's doing me a favor, and i get the proper cut for my work.

4. the reason he gets part of the payment is because he literally managed my entire "career" lmao. the discord server, prices, entry/membership- all ran and created by him. he deals with everything on that half of business. it's a lot of work behind the scenes.

long story short, there is no abuse or mistreatment going on. i appreciate the concern but there is no need, im safe and very happy with my decisions for the time being. :)

-xoxo angel